i've made a mistake

salam gais.. so its not a big mistake..but still, it is a mistake.
ape bende yang aku rasa mistake ni?

oke, aku rase cam salah untuk aq citer masalah aku kat member aku. as i expect.she keep telling me to tell her if i want to say about anything, but, in the end, dia tak dengar pon. ayuh ha ha ha.

aku cam, okey, you need me if you want to tell me something, but, you cant even hear me.afterall im a bus stop yall. do you hear me? yeah dude, im a bus stop.

they will come to me as if im another stop, waiting for the bus. of course i should feel great for helping them, yeah. i feel really great but, i feel empty. indeed, i feel empty inside. it is better to shut myself then to know people around as they acting like im a friend-til-dead while im not feel the same. such a shallow feeling keep attach to me. come to me as they want, leave me when you are done.

why then you want to know me?

i cant even brain that. for sure.

and pray for me..aku tak nak suka toki weh. aku suka dia siut.

Semasam asam dalam mulut

Salam gais.

tajuk tu takde kene mengene dengan apa yang aku nak citer skang ni. Tapi tu la, aku tengah makan asam skang ni. Asam ape je yang tak masam kan..hahahhahahahahaha..budu

aku nak citer sikit..

first, about jpam. yes, i am triggered. triggered untuk keluar baris. tapi serius aku cakap semua ni cam sia sia kalau aku nak keluar baris sekarang. kalau aku nak keluar baris sepatutnya dari awal awal lagi. tapi kalau la ni aku baru nak keluar baris can sia sia.tapi macam, aku serius talk, aku da penat senanyer. tuan aku cakap jangan bawak masuk hal peribadi ke dalam sispa, but eventually, i cant anymore. aku sumpah penat. kalau sebab duit etc etc uh aku cam,key fine, tak de la nak concerned sangat, tapi ntah la..aku penat

it looks like aku macam suka berfoya foya buat masa ni, and you can said that i was like spoil brat sebab takde motivation langsung nak buat pape. yes, aku da masukkan personal problem aku kat daily life aku. such a horrible person iam. im very anxious right now. i want to cry hard yet what the point of that, i ask myself again and again. i can see nothing if i cry over somewhat a 'small' things. i want a hug telling me everythingsgonna be okay, yet i cant bring myself to do that.

 secondly, mak au nak kahwin

im totally tak bangkang idea ni, sebab ni hal mak aku kan. katanyer bulan 1 tahun depan. aku tak bangkang gais, aku cuma cakap ikut mak aku la nak buat ape. after all she deserve to be happy right. im anxious about this. and aku cakap ngan mak aku, ikut mak, bukan akak yang nak kawen pon. kan kan? tell me i was saying the right thing gais. i just need to believe everything is right from the start. this is what it meant to be.

from when i was left behind until now. i just want to believe that all is well when i am super tired. i dont know whom to say all this because i cant say a single things seriously. because it just a pathetic for me to say all this.
what a pathetic side of me having all these thoughhts and wanting to closed my eyes

and i know im not a good daughter when i push away all my attached feelings. tell me that its okay to push away my feelings. tuan aku cakap, jangan keraskan hati awak, buang ego tu jauh jauh. tell me how to. i will be too fragile kalau aku tak keraskan hati aku, kalau aku buang ego aku. then i cant stand on my own.

and my only hope rn is 'all is well'