Divorced
Aku nak story kat sini.. bende ni recent lagi..25/10/18..parents aq cerai..that day i shut my mouth dont want to talk anything..just in the afternoon, at the moment i sit in computer lab, my crush ask me what im doing there and sit beside me, i said im doing some works..then i leave the lab..its a lie if i dont feel anything about this..there's a hole in here..fucking hurt..after about 3 years of conflict, its end already..then there's come a few person, worsen the situation that already worse.. then there's my mom with her own way, there's my dad with his way..there's another guy, then i'm pretty sure there's another women..then there's a person lecturing me about how i can and supposed to fix my mom and dad relationship..i'm here like 'wth sis..you dont know how i was raised by my parents..'..i'm fucking stress for 2 weeks that i dont do any works. then it comes.. that fucking suicidal thought..
sorry for being emo..i wanna cry, but i cant,.that pride was so high that i wanna to be seen as strong.
Confession
17/11/18
aq confess at crush aq melalui ws..i was chill with it saying that its okay, that i dont put any hope on him..aq tau dy broken, aq tau dy tak sedia..aq degil, aq da tak bleh nak simpan dalam pale aq..aq tau aq terlampau rush..aq ikut sangat kata hati..ayat dy, i thought his words means rejection, but when i showed it to some of my friends, they said ' you're not being rejected for sure..he's not saying that you should move on or he dont want you or whatsoever..maybe he just need some times. but please dont put any hope.' most of my friends saying that..i said to them, i was okay, i'm expecting that he would reject me, which that my instinct said..however, i still feel that little hole in me. just a little.. that expectation really helped me to recover it for sure..tapi siyes aq cakap, cara dy tolak aq sangat sangat baik, sangat sangat gentle and he said sorry kalau dy buat aq serabut (something like that la..lebih kurang)..dy buat aq makin respect dy and he give me another reason to keep looking at him..aku cakap at dy aq suka dy..
well, suka kan lain daripada sayang..because sayang bawa maksud yang lagi mendalam..
tapi ni yang aku risau..
aq risau aq sayang dy..
that feeling of love which want to be around, and want to protect the one..aq risau..aq risau at diri aku sendiri..haish..konflik dalaman betul..aq da la kalau sayang, sayang bebetul..okay..tarik nafas..lepas...
yakin boleh control feeling..hahahahahahahhaha..
Mess
kebelakangan ni aku jadi macam makin tak terurus..sangat tak terurus.. pastu aku risau ni..kalau kalau aku kene ciken pox..mati wehhhh..da la nak final..kang ade gak budak repeat sem..akku tak nak dohhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
