Music!!!

Monday, 17 March 2025

Lama bethol!

Petangggg

lama gila tak update. dah 5 tahun. berhabuk, berdebu, semua ber la hahahahahhahah

sooooooo..apa jadi sepanjang 5 tahun ni. jom recap. again, even takde sape yg bace, but anyway, hi audience!

PKP
kita tak patut lupakan pkp ni eh. pkp aq intern dekat JKR. so pengalaman intern aq hambar. thats why takde pape update. and of course, another mental breakdown. aq tatau apa yg nak dimentalkan sangat, tapi aq mental masa tu AHAHAHHAHA. review intern kat jkr, yaseh yashe je. mungkin sebab masatu peak pkp. so aq pon takde buat keje pape sangat. ummmmmm. perluka aq masukkan final year project aq kt sini eh? tapi aq pon da lupa apa yg aq buat dengan FYP aq HAHAHAHAHAH. 

lepas habis intern, dalam masa dua bulan, aq dapat kerja dekat mr.diy

KERJA
around 2021 aq start keje. tak silap aq 1/4/2021. april fool sangat hahahhaha. ya hidup aq ni april fool ya. long short story, aq habiskan masa 4 tahun kerja diy. from promoter to assistant supervisor. banyak gila sweet and bitter, also sweat n tears. ya. kepam. angkat barang tak mengenal gender. meh aq review kerja diy. once kau asistant supervisor, tanggungjawab makin banyak,kau kene hadap orang bawah dan atas. tapi okay la. not bad. gaji pon not bad. ada yg tanya aq, tak rugi ke ambik degree tapi kerja diy. let me tell you, i do feel like a failure from time to time. but hey, i try to be grateful ya. at least aq ada kerja. so....dari 2021 sampai bulan 6 2024. ada la seketul gen2 hasil duit kerja aq. so...aq menyesal tak berhenti kerja diy? i would say neutral. aq suka bahagian management, tapi kerja di situ, just ada pros n cons. aq cuma cakap tu je. fast forward, sekarang aq kerja as freelance junior architecture. bunyi cam gempak kan. tak segempak yg korang sangkakan. duduk di company yg takde epf n socso sangat.... sangat buat aq ada anxiety HAHAHAHAH. kenapa aq pilih utk kerja kat company tu? aq sangat sangat sangat terdesak nak keluar dari diy disebabkan supervisor yg tak bole diharap. staff probelematic, aq bole terima. sebab tu wujudnya management and pic. and staff pon kebanyakannya baru habis sekolah, aq faham yg diorg baru nak adapt, n dalam fasa rebel. i was like that too once, cuma tak extreme. tapi, bila supervisor kau problematic, n management ambik masa yang sangat lama untuk ambil tindakan, kau akan burnout. sangat burnout. 

sekarang aq tengah usha kerja lain. pray for me. target aq sebelum 30 or at 30, aq da ada kerja yg stabil, kewangan yg agak stabil.

FAMILY
oh, dont get me start with this. drama tak habis habis. penat aq. ni pulak bapak tiri aq ada pompuan lain. dunia kata pergi, kubur kata mari. kalau ada perempuan lain dengan cara yg betul, aq tersangatlah faham. tapi kalau bulan puasa macam ni tambah maksiat, salah tu nok. hormat la bulan puasa macam ni. banyak bende jadi. aq tak boleh nak keluarkan semua. buat stress je. and somehow, to keep my mom emotion n stress level in check, aq ngan siblings aq yg stress. garu kepala weh. tapi hadap je la

okay. tu je aq rasa. terlampau banyak nak cerita. aq ada baca post lama lama, looking back, i was too young n naive to handle sorts of things. not mature, too impulsive. im still like that though. looking back 5 years ago, im not a great human being. thats all. ciao

Monday, 28 September 2020

I'm giving up

 i dont know. im just giving up. im hurting, im tired, yet i cant do anything. im a mess. i dont care anymore. i guess i will just live. breath. and give up. then breath again. and give up again. multiple times. non stop.until i sign out from this world.

Wednesday, 22 July 2020

Give me some space...

see,, i've been tired with all these. i just want some space for me. i'm hurt inside. it's bleeding. i dont know what to say no more. i just hate all this. i want to cry but i cant. it's overwhelming. i feel really hurt. just can you stop blaming each other. i hate this. and keep all your thoughts to yourself too. i get hurt too. not only you. not only you. 😔😔😔